Of wedding vows and nanti la dulu.

One by one of my friends are getting married. Some getting engaged. Wow. Congratulations. And some other - have babies. Legally of course. A friend of mine asked me "Ha ko weh, bile nak kawen? Kereta da ade. Keja da ade. Boyfriend da lame da couple. Kawen je la. Leh la ko join geng aku!" Oh! When she said this I was like "Ar..nanti la weh. Aq tunang la dulu kot. Nanti2 je la aq kawen. Haha.." And I know that that wasn't the answer I wanted to give her. The answer that I wanted to give was actually "........" Really. No joke.

OK. So maybe marriage at this age (23) is something you - or in this case, I - should think about. But the thing is I know that I am not ready to really really commit myself to marriage. I mean - I do want to get married but not now. I want to really really work first. Then - I will marry when the right time comes. Besides - I think there's more to life than thinking about it now. I mean my life that I am currently living in is disorganized so how do you expect me to live my life with someone - whom I think that someone's life is disorganized as well.

Song currently on my play list is I Have A Lover by Megan Lee. Originally sang by Lee Eun Mi.

Of Daegu Turtle

My lower wisdom tooth is killing me. I mean - literally. It's bleeding and you could (well, I could actually) see the gum swells. It's white and reddish as well and why the hell am I telling you I have no idea. I guess I just want to share. So yeah - I may want to extract it out but teeth are the only bones that I can see and I feel bad if I extract the last one out. But then again - according to the net - if I do not take good care of my wisdom teeth (all four) they will kinda like make the other bad...?? WHAT?? kalau tak jaga gigi bongsu sume nanti die akan berlubang and merebak ke gigi lain. so tu yang pikir nk cabut ke tak. so far yang sakit yang belah kanan bawah. Haha - I guess it's better if I explain it in Bahasa :)

I've been watching this anime tittle Angel Beats. About teenage souls trap in an afterlife where they are building a battlefront to fight an angel to see whether does God exist or not. macam tu la lebey kurang. The main character is a guy named Otonashi Yuzuru and he died cause he had a very bad heart problem. In the afterlife - a place where they go to school, play baseball and have missions to steal people's lunch coupons - he met a girl name Yuri. She's the leader of this Afterlife Battlefront group thingy. Anyway - things go on and yeah - one by one vaporize cause if you live your life as how you want it to be - you'll vanish. In order word - you'll meet God. actually agak susah nak explain cite ni cause die mcm susah sikit. sebenarnye senang je nak explain tapi mcm nk susun ayat yg susah. lol. I like the anime so I bought the DVD.

And lately I've been listening to 2PM - another Korean band. I don't know. Maybe cause they are different. I mean - Korean songs are. Before this I've listened to Avenged Sevenfold, All Time Low, Escape The Fate and those Warp Tour bands which I think is actually overrated now cause I - personally - think that most people listen to them. So yeah whatever. Anyway - I'm happy with what I am listening too. So should you.

My aunt passed away on the 20th October 2010. I was sad of course but somewhere in my heart - I was happy or rather thankful that she passed away. This was because she had cancers. Yup. That's cancer with a "s". It was breast and later it was brain - which took her life away. I will miss her - no doubt about that but I am not going to wallow in the past about this. Life has to go on. Let the dead be. We - the living - must go on. One day - we will die. trying to be "filosofik" what? is that even a word??!! :O

Current song playing : Incomplete by Junsu and Jaebom.

Of A Friend's Confession

I am currently listening to 2AM's song called A Friend's Confession. Yes. I do love the song. I love the lyrics as well. I do love their vocals' harmonization (trying to sound smart). Especially maknae's voice. Jinwoon - if I'm not mistaken.

We are now in August. Another few more months and we'll be facing the year 2011. And looking back at all these times - what have I accomplished? OK. I don't want to think now. I just want to see how it goes so far. And so far - I think it's all good. Studying is OK. Although I have tons of things to do - assignments, reports to write, observation forms to be filled in and such. One thing at a time and I think I should be able to do it. Three years ain't that long though.

My class that I am teaching currently is getting pretty much in control. Yeah I do love the kids. They absorb my energy like sponges! Literally. At first it was just three kids but now I have seven and counting. That's pretty OK for a junior class learning phonics. Sometimes I felt like telling them off to just sit and do nothing cause I was so frustrated by their attitudes but most of the time - I enjoy having them once a week for 2 hours. And that whole 2 hours feels like eternity. I do love my students. I tend not to have bias or favourite. It's simply because I don't want to. Besides, I think it's not professional to have bias or favourite. For me - they are all the same. All are eager to learn. Some are smart. Some are not so. And some - well, just doesn't know English at all. But no matter - I take that as a challenge cause I know I can do it.

Yeay! I am going to Phuket this month! Another week and I'll be off to Phuket with my colleagues. All of them. Well - except two cause they are staying for exam prep and another one - well simply cause she's anti -social. Sorry. Last year I went to Manila for four days and three nights. This time around it'll be for three days and two nights. Well, less days but so what! I'll be visiting the Gem Factory, Simone Cabaret Show and some James Bond Island. Oh God I can't wait! I am really going places! I just hope next year, I'll be as good as this year. Maybe even better!

That's pretty much how life goes on now. It's the fasting month and this year - I'll be celebrating Eid Fitri alone is Malaysia cause my whole family will be going to Mecca for two weeks straight. So what I am going to do on first day of Eid Fitri is sleep in the whole day! Yes!! And the second day - maybe watch a movie I think. I have to see my budget as well. Haha. Money is like water actually. No money, no talk.

Bear. He's back. I have this butterflies again whenever I speak to him on the phone. Oh - I think I know what is happening. Or what will happen.

"I will give you pain as much as the scars you've given me..."

Of Khaay Casa

100 Crap Load of Things About A Girl *taken from Khaay Casa*

1. A girl will always, always, always find out if you lie, so dont do it.

2. We don't like talking dirty as much as you like hearing it.

3. We aren’t as open about what we do in private as you are so don't ask.

4. Don’t ask a girl about her weight, she'll freak out.

5. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt if you hurt her.

6. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

7. A girl will do almost ANYTHING to bring your name up in a conversation.

8. Girls always talk about guys, ALWAYS. So don't even think about cheating, because we will find out.

9. We don't like being called sexy or hot. Calling us beautiful will always score you more points.

10. PMS: it really does make us feel like shit, so don’t be grossed out by it because then it just makes us feel worse about ourselves.

11. We want to be with you. It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter when, we just want to be with you.

12. If you kiss us in front of your friends, jackpot. :)

13. If we slap you, you deserved it bitch.

14. We don’t mind paying for half of everything. But we know it makes you look like an asshole to everyone else. :(

15. A girl should always get three things from her boyfriend during the period of the relationship: a stuffed animal; a sweatshirt of his; a ring or a necklace, no matter how serious the relationship is.

16. If a guy is bothering us and we tell you, it’s not because we’re trying to piss you off, it’s because we’re scared and want you to protect us.

17. When she texts you late at night, it’s because she can’t get you out of her head.

18. We're very jealous, so if you’re talking to your girl friend (friend that is a girl) , pull your actual girlfriend closer to you, to make her feel more important.

19. When she’s mad at you, kiss her.

20. When she’s not mad at you, kiss her.

21. When she’s upset, kiss her. (Do you see a pattern?)

22. DO NOT flirt with our friends or relatives, even jokingly. It pisses us off.

23. Guys that smell good = hot.

24. NOT EVERY GIRL IS GOING TO BE A SIZE 3 so learn to deal with that, and look for something more in a girl than just being able to pull off a bikini, because very few can.

25. When she’s upset and she puts her head on your shoulder, she wants you to put your arm around her and tell her everything is gonna be okay.

26. When a girl bites her lip, she wants you to kiss her.

27. Don’t beat around the bush. If you want to know something, just ask us. If we don’t tell you, then we don’t want you to know. Point blank.

28. When she asks you what she should wear, it’s because she wants you to think about her looking cute.

29. Girls like wearing sweats more than tight jeans and little tees so don’t even judge a girl by what she wears to school.

30. Cute love letters, flowers in her locker, and surprise hugs will always score you major points.

31. No matter how much of a bitch she may be, you HAVE to be nice to the best friend(s) because they are going to know your relationship inside and out.

32. If you introduce us to your friends and you’re going out, you damn better call us your girlfriend or we will move on.

33. When we complain about something hurting, we really mean touch me here.

34. Girls love when you play with their hair and touch their face. It most definitely will make a girl blush and smile.

35. It’s hard for us to trust people, but once we trust you we honestly and truly trust you.

36. If you don’t think the relationship is going anywhere, TELL US. Don’t go and tell your

friends and then break up with us. It will seriously scar us for the rest of our lives.

37. Girls like being picked up and carried around, but BE CAREFUL. We’re fragile. :)

38. Girls love a guy that can make them laugh.

39. Ex-girlfriends piss us off. So if you’re not sure if you’re over them or not, don’t even bother with us.

40. Girls love it when guys comment on our eyes. It shows that you’re looking at us. Not our boobs.

41. Don’t tell us that you understand when you don’t.

42. When were mad at you, we’re freaking mad, so let us cool off before you say you’re sorry.

43. We always dream about being kissed in the rain

44. Once you tell a girl that you can play the guitar or you can sing, she will wait for the day when you perform for her and she will fall for you. :)

45. Sensitivity is a good thing, but don’t make us be the man in the relationship. We want someone that’s gonna protect us. Not someone that we're gonna have to comfort every night. We have enough insecurities of our own.

46. Girls like guys that are spontaneous. If you like a girl, walk up to her and be like “Wow your gorgeous can i have your number?”, seriously it makes our day. :)

47. If a girl really trusts you, she will tell you everything that’s bothering her, so listen don’t just tune out and ignore us, it’s a major thing if we tell you that stuff.

48. Seriously, we hate when you play your xbox more then you talk to us. If you love that

thing so much, date it not me.

49. When a girl asks you to call her, it’s because she wants to fall asleep to your voice

50. If we're dating, there always has to be tension. Sometimes we're just gonna pick a fight with you because everything can’t always be perfect, so don’t take it to heart.

51. Guys, we know you’re competitive, but let us win every once in a while, otherwise we're gonna think you’re cocky and that right there is a major turn off.

52. Girls like playing little cute games like 20 questions or what if.

53. We really don’t care as much about what a guy looks like as much as you guys care about how a girl looks. Personality is number 1.

54. All a girl usually looks for in a guy (physically) is a nice smile and honest eyes.

55. Girls like videogames too, so don’t always assume were cute little mall girls.

56. Some girls like sports too, and if she and you watch a football game, she’s gonna root for her team, sorry baby.

57. We loooove being told that you were thinking about us all day

58. If a girl constantly runs her fingers through her hair, she’s doing it to get your attention,

some kind of sexual hint that she likes you. :)

59. We don’t like when you texting when you’re with us, unless you’re texting the guy next to you asking for tips, because we do the same thing. :)

60. Being nice and cute will always make a girl talk about you. Always.

61. Don’t ever lie to us and then say oh it was a test. No, that was the end of our relationship.

62. Don’t EVER text us saying “Hey baby what’s up?” and then saying oh sorry wrong text. Believe me, it has happened.

63. A girl will spend hours on her appearance, so always compliment her on it.

64. A girl really only wants to make you happy.

65. When a girl says, “Should I dye my hair or should I change my (insert body part here)?” the answer is ALWAYS " Baby, your perfect the way you are."

66. In my opinion, a girl will only ask a guy’s advice if she really trusts him.

67. There is no such thing as a shy girl after the age of 16. After that, all girls are acting.

68. The minute a girl decides to be with you, she's already decided that anytime you need it, she'll sacrifice anything necessary to get it to you. Anything, anytime, anywhere.

69. Always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don’t care so call even if you can only talk for a minute. Girls don’t necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but it’s nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello.

70. If you’re listening to music, let her listen too.

71. If you DIDN’T sleep with us, DON’T tell your friends you did.

72. If you DID sleep with us, DONT tell your friends you did.

73. She loves when you play with her hands

74. Kissing her on the stomach will always make her smile

75. Whisper "I love you" in her ear and she will be turned on. BUT DON’T SAY IT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!!!

76. When we come home from a date with you, it’s always adorable when you text us three seconds after we get home saying "I miss you."

77. Okay, you knew it was coming. Memorize our birthdays and call us at 12:00mn. It makes a world of difference.

78. DONT EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER HIT, PUSH, SHOVE, SLAPP, OR HURT A GIRL IN ANY WAY.

79. Don’t be late, it hurts us a lot.

80. When you say you’re gonna do something, do it damnitt.

81. We think about you all the time.

82. If you’re sitting next to us in class and we're working on something, it’s cute to get a note saying "Hi baby :)" and it will make us smile.

83. Girls don't always want to hang out with girls. Just because we have guy friends does not mean that we want to be with them. We probably already had the chance and didn't take it

84. Don’t expect us to make the same mistakes your ex did. If we do, it is not because there is some huge conspiracy against you. Maybe you’re making a mistake, not us. Don’t compare our mistakes to hers.

85. We know you don't care about what happened in our day, but listen. It hurts us a lot when you don't pay attention.

86. We don't like to be nagged about where we are going or what we are doing either, but we usually hear you out.

87. We're emotional and act in mysterious ways, but you are pushing a huge button when you call us crazy.

88. Girls will stare at their phone until we get a call or text from you.

89. When we're with you, we will always try to sit/ stand next to you, just hoping for the chance to touch you in even the smallest possible way.

90. NEVER EVER call a girl stupid or do anything to imply that she is mentally inferior to you. She will remember you for it for the rest of your life.

91. Girls are suckers for little animals, so if you have a dog, she will most likely go “Awwww.” Because it proves to us you actually have a sensitive side. Don’t ask me how, it just does.

92. We're not trying to betray you when we ask your guy friends advice on our relationship with you. They know you best, and we're probably only saying good things about you anyway

93. When we go out, we don’t always want to go see a movie. Change it up let’s do something exciting.

94. Poetry is always a plus. :)

95. Girls always jump to conclusions, so don’t act innocent unless you really are. And if you’re not you better have a good excuse or we’re gonna assume the worst.

96. Don’t make bets about us, we always find out.

97. Most girls are ticklish. It’s cute when guys tickle us.

98. No girl just wants to be your "friend with benefits".

99. It’s sexy when you grab our butts when you make out with us. :)

100. NEVER mess with a girl's emotions just to test her or see what happens. That's really mean.

Abang Ben.

On March 11th, he was arrested at his apartment's parking lot in Segambut. Police brought him to an apartment he rented in Kepong, and after entering, claimed that in that residence, he possessed 800grams of cocaine, and 140grams of methamphetamine, and accused him of processing and trafficking, putting him under the risk of being charged under Section 39B, which carries the death penalty.

On March 12th he was remanded for 7 days. When my parents inquired if we can engage a lawyer, the Investigation Officer told us "No need".

On March 17th, after our family waited more than an hour, we were allowed to see him for the very first time, under supervision.
Again my mother asked if we should get him a lawyer, again the I.O advised against it, claiming "Lawyer tak boleh buat apa-apa sekarang. Buang duit je. (Lawyer can't do anything now. It's simply a waste of money)."

On March 18th, his remand was extended another 7 days. The magistrate inquired why there was no lawyer present for him, and whether he was made aware he had the right to a counsel of his choice. He replied "No." Therefore, he requested for one, and only nine hours later, did the I.O call to inform my mother, who promptly engaged Amer Hamzah Arshad.

But the very next day, the police used their Executive authority under Section 28A that vetoed his right to a counsel. All requests made by our lawyer to visit him was denied.

Only after we complained to SUHAKAM, did the police allow Amer to visit him.
On the last day of his remand.
After the investigations were concluded.
For only 15 minutes.

On March 25th, he was brought to court, and charged under Section 12(2) for possession of0.24grams of metaphetamin in his Segambut residence. Nothing the police claimed they found in the Kepong residence, the cocaine and shabu that was "already packaged to be distributed" or the so called "cocaine processing mini-lab" was brought to court.

Because there WAS none.

He was released on bail. A trial date was set. He was so close to being free, and seeing his 4 year old son again.
But as he was signing the papers of his release, the Plainclothes were outside waiting.

Not two steps after he came out of the bail department, without any explanation, they re-arrested him. Amer was restrained from protecting him, and only after Amer repeatedly asked them to show their I.D, did they do so. Still, no explanation was given to the family. We were merely told to go to the Headquarters and speak to Inspector Kang. The same guy who claimed my brother possessed the cocaine they NEVER found.

He never saw us, he was "in a meeting." He wasn't too occupied to give the press a statement, but was unavailable to see us.
We were told by the new I.O for this case, and the DSP (the guy who signed the papers denying my brother the right to a counsel) that they are detaining him for 60 days under the Special Preventive Measures Act (LPK), after which, they could further detain him for 2 years if found guilty.

Guilty according to THEM. For under this act, it is a detention without trial, like the Internal Security Act. Any information gathered from "witnesses" and "investigations" will never be disclosed to him or his lawyer, or the court. He will also not be able to defend himself against any allegations. Under this act, he will never have his day in court.

On March 25th, my brother, Ben, was denied his Constitutional rights.

For 2 weeks, our family went through hell. Sleepless nights, press waiting outside our door, Ben had asthma attacks after the police delayed themselves in acquiring the requested medication for 3 days, Mama, who is a cancer patient herself, suffered chest pains and lost her voice.
We felt it was all worth it, for we would be able to have him back.

But now, a new nightmare has begun.
Whether or not Ben is guilty, should not be for the Police to decide. If they HAD the evidence to strengthen their warrant for re-arrest, why was it not brought to court? Why is Ben not given a chance to defend himself? How can we ever know the authenticity of these so called witnesses and their statements? If there were ANY to begin with?

Under this act, I could simply be caught for any crimes of drug offences the police accuse me of, because they can claim they have enough information (even if they have absolutely nothing) and detain me. For 60 days, for 2 years, and even EXTEND it after.

Acts like this and the ISA are licenses for ARBITRARY arrest and detention. Anytime. Anywhere. Anybody.

My family and Amer will not back down. We will fight for Ben's right. We will speak up for all of those who were silenced before us, who will be silenced hereafter.

But we seek your help. In any way at all, help us fight this. Re-post this, write on your blogs, write to your local representative, to our newspapers, and together we shall use our voice, our art, our space, to stand up not just for Ben, but for all our rights.

Liberty is a Constitutional right. It's time to get it back.

This note was taken from my cousin's Facebook note. Spread it please.

We are all with you Ben. We love you.

Of Kim Eun-Lyel

For the past few weeks I've been having very simple meals. For breakfast was this usually...

And for lunch was usually these ...

or these...

And for dinner, usually I will just drink these...